Just over a month ago I had gone on a few dates with a woman, and I came away with this feeling at the end of one. I didn’t feel any chemistry with her, though luckily we have become friends, which honestly is the benefit of dating in the first place. Dating women at least. I don’t even date a lot anymore. Sometimes my friends tease me and say it’s because I’m picky… which isn’t untrue… but it goes beyond that. And after this lovely woman and I decided to just be friends, I realized what I had been feeling for months; the thing that was the cause of my being picky or not feeling a need to just hop into a relationship with someone. It’s a feeling of wholeness.
My Top 9 on my personal Instagram account.
This was a concept my therapist and I discussed a while back. Probably about a year or so ago. I don’t remember exactly how we got on the topic but essentially it ended with her telling me that when two people who are already “whole” get into a relationship together it will be something better than I’ve ever experienced. Now that I realize how whole I am (despite chronic pain, and the occasional anxiety), I know what she said is probably true.
My Top 9 on my janeversuspain Instagram account.
This isn’t to say that myself or anyone I’ve been in relationships with has been “broken,” because that’s not the right word or concept even. The feeling of wholeness is a combination of self-awareness of both strengths and limitations, it’s your own pursuit to become a better person, to learn and to grow, and it’s knowing that you are always going to be okay, as long as you have yourself. This is not an easy thing to accomplish. We all have baggage, stressful events in our lives, health issues, mental health issues, family issues, the list can go on and on. The things that have lead me here, personally, is the focus on self-care, self-love, mindfulness, meditation, travel, taking more courses through school, and really bonding with friends and family. These are the things that make ME feel whole. And though this may not be the same for everyone, I recommend trying to get yourself to this amazing feeling (especially now that we are in a new year). It starts with YOU, it starts with self-care, self-love, self-respect, and self-compassion.
Happy New Year!